More than ever I find myself brimming with Hope, Love, Faith and Joy. I feel on most days despite metastatic cancer, I will live forever – I feel – as if I am living my very best life of these sixty years, right here, right now. It did not come without chores.
I have always believed the collective “we” all want the same thing – to simply “be” happy. Happy is a word whose definition is unique to each of us. I am referring to the happiness that sings deep within the heart knowing no earthly or material form. I believe many of us do not know how to be happy. Many follow what conventional wisdom dictates, though being truly happy simply means a heart that is hope and joy-filled.
Many people put on a front around me – in their consciousness they do not know what to say or how to act because I am “sick.” Though – aren’t we all? And how could this sickness I have be truth when I am feeling so very, very much alive at this point in my life – possibly more than I ever have?
2017 was a turning point year for The Three Amigos. Shit began to hit the fan hard. My husband is an amazing man and the most hope-filled person I have ever known. Through the worst of times he has carried me through and always, always assured me that whatever “it” was – we would laugh about “it” some day. I did not always share his belief in Hope or his ability to manifest it. My lessons were forthcoming.
Laurie gave me a gift for Christmas 2017 I treasure – she placed it in a little country-type tin bag. On the tin one word was punched out.
I filled Hope with tiny lights and lit Her each night and days too, whenever I so very desperately needed Her light. Hope had begun to slip my grasp eleven years earlier and was fleeing at a rapid pace.
In 2018 sanity began to slide off the shelf, we scrambled to hold on. Through it all, the hardest of nights and the crispest moments of clarity, there was Hope. Her lights glowing strength, She held me up. As my husband led the charge of Hope in our lives, I held on for dear life. I realized allowing Her to enter my heart, to turn my worries and fear over to Her, joy would flow in and gratitude for all things given to me, whether I perceived them to be good or bad, would flow from me.
At the end of 2019 life began to align and shake out. We had trusted the process and worked our way out of the toilet bowl race and back to a straight strip with a plan. It isn’t anything we thought it would be, though it “is” and we know happiness – and that – works.
Since then, Hope has been around the block. She spent time with Susie, burning brightly to light a life path that was to change tremendously. Last year, Susie gave Hope back to me on Christmas. Her light and love fills me each and every day. Even on the very worst times when the pain in my earthly body and my soul can smash me into a hard and cold place, Hope is stoic – a strong, silent sentry, casting light of love and joy.
Hope, in Her earthly form as a simple tin bag will pass into new hands who are ready for Her now.
Knowing pain, Hope fights each battle beside me and within my heart.
We all wander on our walkabouts serving a purpose. Some of us may leave without realizing which fleeting seconds spoke to the universe and others – myself included – know exactly why we are here.
Whether by written or spoken word, touch, sight or energy, my eternal gift to each of you is to carry a lantern of Hope with which to light your paths.
From us, to you – we wish you the most blessed of holidays filled with Faith, Hope and Love.