The CT showed new tumors. I was transported and re-admitted to the hospital after “what just happened” in the hours right before I became bewildered. Since then I am beginning to put pieces together, establish a sense of time and am re-building.
Dr. K. issued five rounds of direct radiation to treat quick-growing tumors in my brain. I stayed two nights, after that Gene drove me in so I could be home. It has been difficult though we’ve done well. We are a tough team, the Three Amigos. Treatment has ended for now and healing begins – the where we go from here, questions to be answered and the last MRI, taken this past week, is read. For now, things look good. I am once again showing no evidence of disease. Dr. K.’s face looked much like Dr. B.’s when she told me the news. Chalk up another win for the Good Guys.
I remember this image and the particular experience associated with it because of the sensation of pulling on the back of my brain/head. It felt as if a soft-handed, elderly woman with various barbed needles was working at the back of my head, picking holes and pulling out – whatever – it was. She was gently chuckling, her hands slow and purposeful – it was more of a “tick” – a release movement – than anything. She chattered while she worked like a small bird – not necessarily saying anything I could understand, though performing a job that controlled my destiny. I couldn’t see her to draw her. I could feel how Boo’s love was circling and dancing about her, lighting little crackles and sparks here and there, blue, greens and yellows, the woman tapping Boo’s nose as they giggled together in their own world. She was very special, whoever she was.
As my hands worked to recall and record the illustration I wondered – in the bizarre “piece-meal” thought process I use to make sense of time and space and work on my “shifts” – if it would note any significance. You can look at the two and decide what you think – I would be interested to hear if you feel it did. I can definitely distinguish spatial work beginning instead of the flatness of the first drawing.
I did not know my head was elongated in the illustration until separating the layers and was pleased when I wasn’t surprised I remembered. Especially since it was weeks before I realized fully that the cancer had spread to my brain. I also remembered temperature and it was chilly where we were by the underground pool and Boo refusing to leave the “cradle” she made for me with her body. My head – or brain – was in two boxes filled with these metal sort of things like Legos®. Each day Boo guided me to select a word or letters from a box and then one from another and man – it was tiresome and frustrating and took me HOURS at first. As I kept putting words together it became easier, more natural.
Like water, words run to themselves.
The timing on this image was just beginning the radiation. In my dictation I was not able to yet put words together aloud. I did find a “Box of Words” to get started with Boo on after her session with Tammy. I began to speak pretty well on Saturday after finishing this image. Pain during the actual occurrence of this image was very intense though I was not in pain while drawing the recollection of it.